What makes men cheat? Marriage counselor M. Gary Neuman dug through past
research on male infidelity and found that most answers came from the wife's
point of view.
Wouldn't it make more sense to ask the guys? he thought.
So for his new book,
The Truth About Cheating, Neuman surveyed 200
cheating and noncheating husbands to get at the real reasons behind men's
infidelity — including what cheating men say could have prevented them from
straying. Here, some of his findings:
48% of men rated emotional dissatisfaction as the primary reason they cheated.
So much for the myth that for men, cheating is all about sex: Only 8 percent
of men said that sexual dissatisfaction was the main factor in their
infidelity. "Our culture tells us that all men need to be happy is
sex," Neuman says. "But men are emotionally driven beings too. They
want their wives to show them that they're appreciated, and they want women to
understand how hard they're trying to get things right." The problem is
that men are less likely than women to express these feelings, so you won't
always know when your guy is in need of a little affirmation. "Most men
consider it unmanly to ask for a pat on the back, which is why their emotional
needs are often overlooked," Neuman says. "But you can create a marital
culture of appreciation and thoughtfulness — and once you set the tone, he's
likely to match it."
When their wives are too busy with their own lives, working or bringing
up children or even looking after in-laws and parents, emotionally, men
are left high and dry. But men are emotionally driven beings too. They
want their wives to show them that they're appreciated, and they want
women to understand how hard they're trying to get things right. Most
men consider it unmanly to ask for a pat on the back, which is why their
emotional needs are often overlooked. Sometimes the couple may not be
compatible so however much the wife may do, the man will always find
something to complain about.
66% of cheating men report feeling guilt during the affair.
The implications are a little scary: It isn't just uncaring jerks who cheat.
In fact, 68 percent of cheaters never dreamed they'd be unfaithful, and almost
all of them wished they hadn't done it, Neuman says. Clearly, guilt isn't
enough to stop a man from cheating. "Men are good at compartmentalizing
feelings," Neuman explains. "They can hold on to their emotions and
deal with them later." So even if your husband swears he would never cheat,
don't assume it can't happen. It's important for both of you to take steps
toward creating the marriage you want.
OTHER REASONS ARE AS FOLLOWS
Disturbance in the marriage as the primary reason
When there are regular fights at home with his wife, which are left
unresolved, a pattern sets in wherein he continues to be unhappy and
'disturbed'. In this kind of a scenario, either he can fight or he can
flee. When he looks for an affair, he is looking to flee from dealing
with the issues in the marriage, and be comfortable with that 'other
person'. It is telling oneself that the problems do not affect anyone
and life can continue in a better way with a parallel support.
Cheating men report boredom led to the affair
Some men may find the routine of a married life to be tedious and dull.
These men find it easier to shift dominance or primacy to another
relationship and feel the spark outside to be a thrilling option;
instead of finding ways of charging their marriage. It becomes present
moment for gratification versus the hard job that they will have to do
in their marriage to resolve an issue. The extra-marital relationship
provides them with a readymade and fresh experience, which is appealing
enough to take the risk.
. Cheating men love to experiment sexually
Sex has always been and will always be an integral part of a marriage.
While some men are quite content spending the rest of their lives having
sex with the same wife for many years, others prefer to experiment more
as a need, rather than as an option. They want to sleep with many
women, many times, and therefore do not think twice before an
extra-marital alliance. It perhaps makes them feel sexually powerful and
more adept than others.
It may also happen that the woman
he cheats with is his co-worker or boss, someone who praises him, looks
up to him, and compliments his efforts. That's another reason why it's
so critical that he feel valued at home.
. Cheating men have a history of EMR
Some men, in their childhood, may have witnessed cheating in their
parent's marriage. This somewhere gives them a message that it is okay
to cheat, even though deep inside they know this is wrong. All of us
learn from our parents, so taking the risk is good enough. This acquired
learning also happens through cheating resorts taken by elder siblings,
neighbours, peer group and everybody who has been impacted. Sometimes
as teenagers and young adults, some men have had multiple relationships,
these men either intentionally or accidentally end up going back to
their ex-girlfriends. The other lot goes back to their past style of
having multiple relationships. It is well said, what a mind thinks,
achieves. So there are females also who are either consciously or
unconsciously looking for such men.
Some men cheat to revenge
Men also take revenge with their cheating wives, by having multiple
relationships themselves. Even if their wives are guilty and come accept
their extra-marital relationships, some men continue with their tricks.
This is mostly done by men who don't want to forgive their spouses.
Cheating men think it to be 'divorce'
Some men are willfully adulterous and use it as a means for acquiring
divorce. The law also considers adultery as a fair ground for the wife
to seek a divorce. The man is cheating openly and is in a non-receptive
mood, taking the wife's feelings of frustration to an all-time high.
Although this percentage is less but it is there.
. Cheating men need to be needed
When men feel that they are not needed by their wife anymore, they look
out for some other woman, who can understand them and make them feel
special. As an obvious outcome of a new relationship, they get that
feeling from the other woman. And suddenly when they are showered with
attention, which they haven't received in a very long time in their
marriage, they toss their hands in the air and get deep into the new hot
and happening relationship.
LADIES DONT ALWAYS PLAY THE VICTIM, BREAKING UP WITH YOUR CHEATING HUSBAND IS NOT AN OPTION TRY TO RESOLVE ISSUES AND MAKE THINGS WORK OUT! DIAMANTE WILSON
